Well, here is my nugget of merchant truth for today:

- those of us who frequent eBay are keen bargain hunters, can usually spot a duff, and value things quite accurately

- those of us who use Amazon either do it mostly out of habit (because it used to be brilliant), or because it is now akin to buying in Argos (because you know it’s there and can’t be bothered looking for something better)

- those of us who buy Betterware are way beyond help

Happy festive season to all you folks who have nothing against the Christian holiday (or its pagan precursors)!

The house is still nowhere near finished (surprise) and we’ve all been working very hard on our respective duties (more of a surprise). That’s to say I’m spending a lot of should-be-asleep-time cuddling the laptop, theboy‘s pocket money is regularly over £5/week (he earns extra – on a sliding scale – depending on the quality and quantity of his schoolwork, and any particularly brilliant creations of art, Lego, science experiments or particularly impressive feats of ICT use or abuse), and thegirl is diligently growing (she, along with her associated life support system, is now a grand total of 10.3kg cosily cushioned into the front of my waistline). I just hope my spine is as strong as everyone believes it to be!

The only real disappointment I’ve had recently was a lot of goods I’d picked up from an auction in Bedford. I had not used this particular auctioneer (W H Peacocks) before. However, I had made use of the web service (i-bidder) and a sister site (Bid Spotter) a number of times previously and had been satisfied. Emboldened by the previous experiences, and the quality of the items as conveyed by the photographs, I gambled a modest sum on a number of items which appeared particularly promising.

My experience can be summed up in one sentence: “I will never use W H Peacocks again”. The items were artfully arranged in the photoshoot to cover up all sorts of faults: missing packaging (half a box, in one case), dirt, gouges, broken speakers. Not a single returns/faults item was identified as such. Items which had been identified as “end of line” were only such in the sense that they had come to the end of the line! As an illustration, the two DS consoles which theboy asked me to bid on are now part of his winter electronic project, “Fix the faults”.

The store itself was dirty, parking practically non-existent (and capitalised by a ditzy blonde conveying dusty worm-eaten wood furniture to her estate car, and a wild-eyed earringed mustachioed gypsy king with a beaten up flatbed truck). The foreigner of unknown lineage, whose job it was to retrieve the various lots from their shelves, almost left me without a couple of lots – though to give him credit, he tried to arrange for one of the items I was particularly dissatisfied with to go back on auction. And here is the bit that really rubbed me the wrong way: the auctioneer wanted me to sign up to Peacocks biddings for £10 before he would re-list the item, even though they’d already charged me £10.61 for Internet bidding via i-bidder. He also had a few choice less-than-complementary things to say about i-bidder. In short, the whole experience was of the sort that one chalks down and moves on from.

Thankfully, we’ve been spared the worst of the season’s flu. It’s been more of an irritating cold, with theboy making the most of being served tea and biscuits on a whim, and having to do nothing but watch his pick of Youtube. Here’s a quote from Richard Dawkins (The Greatest Show On Earth) which had me giggling for a good few minutes at tea break – “I’ve given money to preserve the tiger, but who would think of giving money to preserve the common cold?” He’s speaking of the “evolutionary arms race” – how every living organism has no purpose other than to replicate, the implication to my mind being that only viruses are truly successful: because they replicate prodigiously, carry no extraneous machinery (complicated bodies) and can cross between species (birds, pigs, humans). The flu/cold is probably the most successful, because it does not (on its own) kill the host organism. Which means we’re not really the top of the “food chain”. Something to delight theboy when we return to studying biology after the festive break. He has taken more easily to chemistry, as there is more to subvert – but thankfully he appreciates subversion of thought as well as of physical characteristics or processes.

Happy Christmas everybody!

So I ordered a load of different stuff to be delivered – purely for the purposes of research, you understand – and here are the results, speaking as a regular domestic customer. The sort of person you’d want to come back to your store and order more goodies.

No-one can beat good old Royal Mail for cheap untraced post, and ParcelForce and DPD for larger items. Top marks to RM and DPD especially, for being able to give an accurate one hour delivery time slot on the day.

In the middle of the pack, we have companies like UKMail, who are unable to give a good delivery time estimate, and occasionally even unaware of whether an item has left the depot or not. Their saving grace is their drivers – every single one I’ve met has been courteous and helpful.

Yodel (whose couriers take the parcels home and store them god knows where pending the maximum 3 delivery attempts) have also failed to impress me. The local depot staff are pretty rude and lazy, too.

And then right at the very bottom, at the root of the problem tree, there are companies like Hermes. Obviously, I am judging them from a very limited geographic sample – but the “lifestyle couriers” I’ve had the misfortune to deal with have been unprofessional to the extent of being rude. The last one tried to deliver 3 times on the same day, roughly every hour, and when I eventually got in and found the (one) card she left me (the first attempt) and called, it was somewhat akin to being subjected the the third degree. If I wasn’t me, she would have had me crying for forgiveness for daring to be absent when she came to the door.

And while on the subject of shopping, I have just placed my first (and, at this rate, only one ever) order with La Redoute. Their “My Account” area is badly laid out and uninformative, the delivery time is nothing like what they promised on the checkout screens, you can’t use voucher codes unless your entire order conforms to the code you’re trying to use (e.g. I had full-price autumn range items, and reduced sale items, and it wouldn’t let me use the “% off first order on full price items” code) and they charge for delivery regardless of the order amount. Shan’t be using them again in a hurry.

To finish on a positive note – here are examples of companies whose service I was impressed by: both Pia Jewellery and Screwfix, who deliver exactly as they promise.

Check out the building site!

Here is the kitchen, in all its glory.

Then there’s the lounge…. yes, the lounge.

The master bedroom, which was full of little surprises (such as the length of copper pipe embedded in one of the joists, concealed under a loose floorboard under a flap of carpet, and not linked to anything)

Then there are two more bedrooms – one is already being plastered, the other one still needs half a wall.

And the bathroom, of course, which is a wonderful family-sized room which has unfortunately been subjected to the many vagaries of a rather careless family. This also needs half a wall.

There will be no more updates until the “after” pictures!

It’s a whole house! Admittedly, fleas were the least of these poor folks’ problems. The place hadn’t been empty very long – only taken over by the administrators in June, apparently. I have to admit immediately, I have never seen an owner-occupier house in quite this state before. The kitchen appliances were all broken. I mean broken – the oven door almost fell off when I pulled at the tape, I almost fell through the rotting floorboards upstairs a couple of times, the sink started leaking as soon as I turned the water back on, and the fence was in bits. There was debt on the utility meters, and fleas everywhere. The wallpaper was hanging off in patches, and their kids had drawn various amusing scenes on it. Broken light switches, wires hanging out of the ceilings and walls, dents in walls and doors testified to objects being hurled with great force and no doubt much foul mouthing.

But the house has real soul. It’s a good house, at heart. The masonry is good. The timber frames are good. The blockwork is sound. The plot is fairly level, and the foundations are good. And I immediately saw family after family coming to live there happily until their kids grow up, just as soon as I’ve refurbished the place.

It’s been a very fast-paced month, what with going self employed, preparing the home education material for the beginning of next term (yes, theboy gets holidays same as his school-going friends, for that reason), and all the legwork involved in completing within 30 days. In another fortnight, the preliminary work on the house should be done to the point of having all electrics and plumbing where they ought to be, all walls replastered and all surfaces made good and ready to paint/floor. I can feel a detailed write-up coming on! Vatch zis spaace…

I don’t see why someone claiming benefits and living in social housing can get away with rioting and looting. If you’re accepting hand-outs, then keep quiet and be grateful!

If you agree with this, come and sign the petition on epetitions.direct.gov.uk: Convicted London rioters should lose all benefits . “Any persons convicted of criminal acts during the current London riots should have all financial benefits removed. No tax payer should have to contribute to those who have destroyed property, stolen from their community and shown a disregard for the country that provides for them.”

Personally, I think that ought to extend to anyone proven to have taken an active part in rioting and looting in the recent disgraceful events. Or in any football-related violence. For the under 21s, dock the parents too – the act of having a child brings with it a direct responsibility to educate that child and give them some form of moral values (or at least an understanding of their place in the hierarchy). I may yet have to eat those words, but hopefully I’m doing a better job of bringing mine up than what I see around us. Too many people believe they have rights without responsibilities. I’ll not forget as long as I live a man I saw in the JobCentre some years ago, when I needed Income Support because I’d just been sacked for taking too much time off work to look after my sick baby. He had Guess jeans on, and he was shouting at the girl on the other side of the desk that he wanted his Jobseekers paid a month up front because he was going on holiday and needed spending money. Social security is a last-resort resource, not an endless free lunch.

Call me retarded if you will – but I’ve only recently discovered Shonen Jump. Well, I can’t claim all the credit. You see, Sprout is into Yu-Gi-Oh! and (very observant of him) pointed out recently that “Shonen Jump” appears on the cards as well as on his Naruto comics. So we looked it up – and joy of joys! He can now read Naruto, at his leisure, in order, on the laptop, without queueing at the library or shop. No germs, except our own. No smells, except our own. And nobody hisses if you get noisy. Fantastic!

You can be motivated by anything that gives you energy and helps you make a mark on the world in a unique way.

Typically, in the case of most living organisms it is food.

Fabulous. Couldn’t agree more. Can’t believe I’m not 16 stone yet. Original “brand ‘you’ ” article here.

I have now left the building!

One of the houses I offered on is back on the market. There’s a reason – the “cellar” is in fact a badly executed excavation of the undercroft which has exposed the footings and effectively undermined the foundations in the party wall. The garage is derelict. The front steps/terrace adjoining the road need redoing. Some of the walls at the back are cracked and also need redoing. Both the chimneys are in a state and the rear one will definitely have to be either taken out or rebuilt. (Party wall again). I notice it’s back on at the full price… although the vendor agreed to 86k. I suppose the previous offer had also been withdrawn for the same reason – the conservative estimate for the structural/necessary works is around 20k. Caveat emptor!

…so we were cycling along in Windsor Great Park when this old man starts shouting at us.

“You’re not supposed to cycle here, this is not for cyclists” etc.

I dismount, take my sunnies off (remember the “Army. Be the best.” advert?) and politely explain that it’s the first time I’ve come to this park and would he kindly explain what he means.

“What a lie,” quoth he, “you bloody well know you’re not supposed to be cycling here, there’s enough signs up to tell you that.”

I explain I have seen none.

“The cheek, what a lie,” tirade continues blah blah. His old bag – who has the grace to look uncomfortable – says “Just use the hard paths.”

I am puzzled now – surely we’re on a hard path already.

Where might a body find one of they, I enquire.

“Over there,” gestures the crone – at the main road.

Conversation ends here, and what I called the troll in my head has been omitted from this account.

For the record, we asked a gardener and he said use any path with a reasonably hard surface (including the one we used) unless there’s a big sign saying “no cycles”.

I bet the old [snipped] drives like that too.